"Well, with middle-aged women, it gets easier to put it on and harder to take it off." At the ripe not-so-old age of 34, Betty (Draper) Francis is sitting in her doctor's office facing two of her worst nightmares -- she's "old" and "fat."

Last night's episode of "Mad Men" brought Betty back into the spotlight after she was noticeably left out of the season premiere. And though her storyline included a cancer scare and an almost-touching phone call with ex-husband Don, all anyone could talk about -- including Betty herself -- was her very noticeable weight gain. The opening sequence starkly contrasted Betty struggling to get into her party clothes and ultimately faking sick to get out of going to an event, with the thinner and younger Megan, who had no trouble at all getting zipped into her mod mini-dress for a meeting with Don and a Heinz executive. The aspirational Betty Draper that every fashion blogger felt compelled to write about during the show's first few seasons is officially a thing of the past. Just as Don is facing the prospect of getting older and therefore irrelevant, so too is former-model Betty.

Betty's fear of permanently losing her lithe figure is compounded by a visit from her mother-in-law, Pauline. The elder Mrs. Francis tells Betty that she has a wifely duty to lose the weight in order to keep her husband attracted to her. "Honey, I know how it happens. You get comfortable and you give up a little bit, and then it just gets out of control," Pauline, a larger woman herself, tells Betty. Then she advises her daughter-in-law, "There are things you can do about this, there are pills you can take."

Henry, Betty's politician husband, to his credit, never once shames her for her changing looks. I can't say the same for "Mad Men" viewers, many of whom appear to see Betty's weight gain as a reason in and of itself to dislike her. (Personally, I find her generally cold and selfish demeanor to be a far more compelling one.)

Nicki Minaj's latest album, Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded, hits stores in the U.S. on Tuesday. To prepare our readers for the album (which is not getting the best reviews), HuffPost Entertainment listened to every single song in one sitting and wrote down the lines that stood out. (For a track-by-track preview, head over to The Boombox.)

Ahead, the 19 most laughable:

1. "I am the ultimate Svengali, you b-----s can't even spell that." - "Roman Holiday"

2. "Quack quack to a duck and a chicken too / Put the hyena in a freakin' zoo!" - "Roman Holiday"

3. "When I'm sitting with Anna, I'm really sitting with Anna / Ain't a metaphor punchline, I'm really sitting with Anna." - "Come on a Cone"

4. "My ice is so cold, it should come on a cone." - "Come on a Cone"

5. "If you weren't so ugly, I'd put my d--k in your face / (singing) D--k in your face, Put my d--k in your face, yeah." - "Come on a Cone"

6. "Hit up Hot Topic, Nicki Minaj hoodies / I'm a Brand bitch I'm a BRAND." - "I Am Your Leader"

7. "N----s move weight and sell but live in Hoboken," - "I Beez In the Trap"

8. "Superbowl; Grammys / What a hell of a jammie!" - "HOV Lane"

9. "It ain't your split game, it's your d--k game." - "Right by My Side"

10. "Starships were meant to fly." - "Starships"

11. "Hey, you, jump in this ride / It's real nice, and slippery inside." - "Whip It"

12. "Bring the bill, Ri-ri-ri-ri-ring the bill / Br-bri-bri-bri-bring the bill, Bri-bri-bring the bill" - "Automatic" (Ed. note: Dubstep!)

13. "I see you in here dancing / Your preview is quite romantic." - "Beautiful Sinner"

14. "I didn't know that bad could look so good / You are the type of bad that feels so good." - "Beautiful Sinner"

Rihanna has officially thrown her hat in the ring for the role of Whitney Houston if there is ever to be a biopic and a role to be played.

Reports recently abounded that record label executive Clive Davis was heading up efforts to make a biographical film to honor his close friend, but Davis has since denied the rumors.

Rihanna was reportedly being considered for the role, but she recently revealed that she would "love" to portray the legend.

"That would be something that I would have to give my entire life to do because I would want to really pull it off," Rihanna told The Press Association. "That's a huge, huge role and whoever does it has to do a good job."

Rihanna was on the short list of contenders for the role, along with Jennifer Hudson, Vivica Fox and "Sparkle" star Jordin Sparks. Brandy was also mentioned in some reports.

Though Rihanna may lack acting experience compared to the other candidates, she's not completely new to the industry. The Talk That Talk singer is set to debut her acting abilities in her first film, "Battleship," alongside Alexander Skarsgard, Brooklyn Decker and Liam Neeson. The sci fi thriller will be released in the U.S. in May.

But for Rihanna, portraying Whitney is not so much about acting experience, but about the chance to represent her musical inspiration on the big screen.

"My first song that I remember falling in love with was a Whitney Houston song -- 'I Will Always Love You,'" Rihanna said. "It was really inspiring and it made me develop a passion for music, so really she's partly responsible for me being here in this industry."

These days, most people consider themselves lucky if a new car lasts 5 to 10 years. Make it to 100,000 miles in your vehicle, and the car company might make a commercial about you. That makes 93-year-old Rachel Veitch a notable exception. Veitch is retiring her 1964 Mercury Comet Caliente after more than 576,000 miles on the road.

"I am legally blind, so I can no longer drive my lovely Chariot," Veitch told FoxNews.com. "They don't have to take it away, I would not dream of driving that car again." The car itself is fine, but Veitch has macular degeneration in both her eyes, making her legally blind. After running a red light in March, she decided to voluntarily give up the vehicle she's been driving since Lyndon Johnson occupied the White House.

"I have taken it in stride," she said. "I don't have cancer, I don't have Lou Gehrig's disease. I am lucky."

Yet for all the miles she has put on her vehicle, it doesn't come close to the world record. The Truth About Cars blog wrote that Irv Gordon's 1966 Volvo P1800 is scheduled to reach 3 million miles this year. Gordon has held the record in the Guinness Book of World Records for most miles on a noncommercial vehicle since 1998.

Even without the world record, Vietch is fond of noting that the car has outlasted three marriages. Mechanically, it's worn through three sets of shocks, 18 batteries and eight mufflers. Veitch bought the car in February 1964 for just $3,289.

She credits the longevity to a "near-obsessive" approach to the car's maintenance. "I've never been a destructive person and I've just taken care of everything, except my husbands," she told FoxNews.

Veitch, who appeared with the vehicle on an August 2010 episode of the "Tonight Show," said she would be happy to sell the vehicle to host Jay Leno, a known car afficionado. She's not sure if Leno would be interested, but her four children, nine grandchildren and 11 great-grandchildren, aren't in line.

"Start drinking...now," says Alec Baldwin as club owner Dennis Dupree in the new trailer for "Rock of Ages." Good thinking, Dennis!

Not that you needed any further proof that Adam Shankman's adaptation of the famed jukebox musical was the party event of the summer, but the newest tease for the film highlights Tom Cruise's pet monkey. Yes: this is one of those movies.

Based on the Tony Award-nominated musical, "Rock of Ages" follows a small town girl living in a lonely world (Julianne Hough) who comes to Los Angeles with stars in her eyes and hairspray in her purse. There, she meets a good-hearted dreamer (Diego Boneta) and gets wooed by the rock-and-roll lifestyle, embodied by Stacee Jaxx (Cruise). Russell Brand, Paul Giamatti and Catherine Zeta-Jones are along for the ride too, as are covers of your favorite '80s songs -- ones that Ryan Murphy thankfully hasn't touched on "Glee" just yet. (Let's hear it for "Wanted Dead or Alive" as sung by Cruise!)

It all looks perfectly goofy, which is fitting since "Rock of Ages" is perfectly goofy. After all, there aren't many Broadway shows that sell Coors Light by the can.

Watch the trailer above, and check out a gallery of the best hairstyles "Rock of Ages" has to offer below. If you'd like to report a hair crime, call your local chapter of the wig police.

Oakland officials on Monday evening named the suspect arrested in the shootings at a small Christian college that killed seven and wounded three others earlier in the day as a 43-year-old man with the surname Goh.

At a press briefing with Oakland mayor Jean Quan and others, Police Chief Howard Jordan said the suspect was believed to be an Oakland resident. He said police had not identified a motive, nor did the suspect have any known criminal history.

Witnesses who were in the classroom where the shootings took place said the suspect first ordered students to line up against a wall and then pulled a handgun, the Oakland Tribune reported.

"The people started running and he started shooting," said Gurpreet Sahota, who relayed an account to the Tribune from his sister-in-law, Dawinder Kaur, 19.

The suspect, identified by the school as an ex-nursing student at Oikos University, had been absent for months before the incident, students in the class told the newspaper.

Chief Jordan said the suspect apparently comandeered a victim's car and drove it to Alameda, where he turned himself in to police at a Safeway store there, about five miles from the shootings.

Initial reports of the shooting said five had been killed. The City of Oakland later announced a higher toll.

"Ten people were injured during this morning's shooting, 7 of which are fatalities," Cynthia Perkins, a public safety official, said in a statement.

Some of the wounded at Oikos University were taken away by ambulance, while others were cared for outside the building, the Oakland Tribune reported.

The school's director said the suspect was no longer enrolled at Oikos, but he was unsure if the man had been expelled or dropped out, the Tribune reported.

In its web site, Oikos says it aims to provide "a Christian education based on solid Christian doctrine and ideology."

The institution, established in 2008, does not appear on the U.S. Department of Education list of accredited postsecondary institutions and programs. It has California state accreditation to award degrees in theology, music, Asian medicine and nursing.

Mega Millions mania has plunged a Maryland McDonald’s into a bubbling cauldron of controversy hotter than a deep-fried apple pie.

Workers at the fast-food joint who pooled their cash for tickets are furious at a colleague who claims she won with a ticket she bought for herself and has no intention of sharing.

“We had a group plan, but I went and played by myself. [The ‘winning’ ticket] wasn’t on the group plan,” McDonald’s “winner’’ Mirlande Wilson 37, told The Post yesterday, insisting she alone bought one of the three tickets nationwide that will split a record $656 million payout.
MONEY TROUBLES: Mirlande Wilson (above) claims she purchased a winning Mega Millions ticket for herself and won’t share it with co-workers in her pool, including Davon Wilson and Suleiman Osman Husein.
William Farrington
MONEY TROUBLES: Mirlande Wilson (above) claims she purchased a winning Mega Millions ticket for herself and won’t share it with co-workers in her pool, including Davon Wilson and Suleiman Osman Husein.
MONEY TROUBLES: Mirlande Wilson claims she purchased a winning Mega Millions ticket for herself and won’t share it with co-workers in her pool, including Davon Wilson and Suleiman Osman Husein (above, from left).
William Farrington
MONEY TROUBLES: Mirlande Wilson claims she purchased a winning Mega Millions ticket for herself and won’t share it with co-workers in her pool, including Davon Wilson and Suleiman Osman Husein (above, from left).
see more videos

“I was in the group, but this was separate. The winning ticket was a separate ticket,” the single mother of seven said as she and her fiancé left her home in the squalid Westport neighborhood to attend church.

The Haitian immigrant refused to show what she said was the winning ticket, claiming she had it hidden in another location and would present it to lottery officials today.

Pressed as the day went on, she became more cagey.

“I don’t know if I won. Some of the numbers were familiar. I recognized some of [them],’’ she said. “I don’t know why’’ people are saying differently. “I’m going to go to the lottery office [today]. I bought some tickets separately.”

With winning tickets also sold in Illinois and Kansas, a single Maryland winner would get an after-tax lump sum of $105 million, or $5.59 million a year for 26 years.

If Wilson won, and if it was with a pooled work ticket, the situation would be shockingly similar to that of New Jersey lottery louse Americo Lopes, who tried to screw five former colleagues after hitting a $24 million jackpot before a jury ordered him to spread the wealth.

Wilson’s co-workers — who make little more than $7.50 an hour — are sizzling with anger over the notion.

“She can’ t do this to us!” said Suleiman Osman Husein, a shift manager and one of 15 members in the pool. “We each paid $5. She took everybody’s money!”

A man identifying himself as the boyfriend of a McDonald’s manager named Layla, who was part of the pool, said Wilson bought tickets for the group at the 7-Eleven in Milford Mill, where the winning ticket was sold.

The group’s tickets — along with a list of those who contributed to the pool — were left in an office safe at the burger joint, said the man, who gave only his first name, Allen, as he stood next to Layla. She declined to comment.

Then, late Friday, before the night’s drawing, the owner of the McDonald’s, Birul Desai, gave Wilson $5 to buy more tickets for the pool on her way home from work, and she went back to the 7-Eleven and bought them, Allen said.

Wilson took those tickets home with her, Allen said.

But Wilson insisted yesterday that she had bought the second batch with an unidentified pal — not for the pool — and that the winning ticket was among them.

A major donor to President Barack Obama has been accused of defrauding a businessman and impersonating a bank official, creating new headaches for Obama's re-election campaign as it deals with the questionable history of another top supporter.

The New York donor, Abake Assongba, and her husband contributed more than $50,000 to Obama's re-election effort this year, federal records show. But Assongba is also fending off a civil court case in Florida, where she's accused of thieving more than $650,000 to help build a multimillion-dollar home in the state — a charge her husband denies.

Obama is the only presidential contender this year who released his list of "bundlers," the financiers who raise campaign money by soliciting high-dollar contributions from friends and associates. But that disclosure has not come without snags; his campaign returned $200,000 last month to Carlos and Alberto Cardona, the brothers of a Mexican fugitive wanted on federal drug charges.

Obama campaign spokesman Ben LaBolt declined comment to The Associated Press. He instead referred the AP to previous statements he made to The Washington Post, which first reported the allegations against Assongba in its Sunday editions. LaBolt told the paper 1.3 million Americans have donated to the campaign, and that it addresses issues with contributions promptly.

Assongba was listed on Obama's campaign website as one of its volunteer fundraisers — a much smaller group of about 440 people.

Assongba and her husband, Anthony J.W. DeRosa, run a charity called Abake's Foundation that distributes school supplies and food in Benin, Africa. A photo posted on Assongba's Facebook page shows the couple standing next to Obama at a May 2010 fundraiser.

In one Florida case, which is still ongoing, Swiss businessman Klaus-Werner Pusch accused Assongba in 2009 of engaging him in an email scam — then using the money to buy a multimillion-dollar home, the Post reported. The suit alleges Assongba impersonated a bank official to do it. Pusch referred the AP's questions to his attorney, who did not immediately return requests seeking comment Sunday.

Meanwhile, Assongba has left a trail of debts, with a former landlord demanding in court more than $10,000 in back rent and damages for a previous apartment. She was also evicted in 2004 after owing $5,000 in rent, records show.

In an interview with the AP on Sunday, DeRosa said the allegations against his wife were untrue, although he couldn't discuss specifics because of pending litigation. He said he and Assongba were

The voice heard crying for help on a 911 call just before Trayvon Martin was shot to death was not that of George Zimmerman, according to two forensic voice identification experts, one of whom told MSNBC on Sunday that he believes the evidence is strong enough to use in court.

"The tests concluded that it's not the voice of Mr. Zimmerman," Tom Owen, of Owen Forensic Services LLC and chair emeritus for the American Board of Recorded Evidence, told MSNBC.

Asked if he thought such tests would be admissible in court, Owen said "yes" and noted he had recently used similar testing in testimony at a Connecticut murder case that involved 911 call.


The conclusions of Owen and another audio expert were first reported by the Orlando Sentinel on Saturday.

Zimmerman told police that he screamed for help during his confrontation with Martin, 17. He claims the shooting was self-defense.

The 911 call, reposted in this YouTube clip, came on the night of Feb. 26 from a woman who reported someone crying out for help in a gated community in Sanford, Fla.

In the recording of her phone call, panicked cries and a gunshot are heard.

Owen told the newspaper that the software compared the screams to Zimmerman's voice and returned a 48 percent match. He said he would expect a match of higher than 90 percent, considering the quality of the audio.

"As a result of that, you can say with reasonable scientific certainty that it's not Zimmerman," Owen told the Sentinel.

But he also said he could not confirm the voice as Trayvon's, because he didn't have a sample of the teen's voice.

How much do single women value sex? According to a new survey, it depends where you live.

Online dating site, Chemistry.com, asked over 10 million singles across the country whether they strongly believed that sex was an essential part of a relationship. The question was part of a larger personality test, overseen by the website’s chief scientific adviser, biological anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher and addressed both men and women. After breaking down the data, Chemistry.com looked at the 10 cities that held the largest concentration of women who "strongly agreed" that sex was essential.

While not new, the idea that women are into sex has received particular attention from researchers and the media in the last year. A July 2011 study found that sexual satisfaction was more important to women in long-term relationships than frequent kissing or cuddling. And contrary to popular myth, women rated sexual satisfaction as more key to a lasting relationship than their male counterparts did. When it comes to singles, Match.com's survey of 6,000 men and women from February indicated the single women were significantly less likely to settle for a partner that they didn't find sexually attractive than men were. And in her new book "The Richer Sex," journalist Liza Mundy predicts that in the near future, women will want sex more than men.

Scroll down to see Chemistry.com's top 10 cities where women value sex. While California women overwhelmingly said that sex was very important in a relationship, Southern cities are glaringly absent from the top 10.