Ang’s husband Neil is getting a third chance, as Ang allows him to move back into her house.  He hopes his wife will welcome him home with a delicious dinner.  Ang is too busy being stressed by the amount of boxes he’s unloading.  She and her ginormous breasts tell Neil that third time has to be the charm or he’s done for good.

At her sister’s request, Ang goes to the cardiologist.  She says a lot of stuff that I think warrants subtitles.  I may have picked up on the fact that she has to monitor her stool at home, and Ang is appalled about having to place her poop (my word, not hers…duh) in the mail.  I hope I’m wrong.  She chats with her doctor and reveals that she’s there because someone mentioned that she looked like a heart attack waiting to happen.  Her doctor explains that her check-up was fine, but she really needs to quit smoking.  Judging on her voice alone, he can tell that she’s a longtime smoker.  Ang gets a huge kick out of this revelation and rewards him with a raspy laugh.  He warns her that a heart attack or cancer will be the least of her concerns if she doesn’t quit.  I think he may want her to lay off the tanning as well until I remember it’s of the spray variety.

Ang’s sister Janine comes to her house and is mortified with all the junk that Neil is trying to move into her house.  Janine is overwhelmed by Ang’s fur collection.  I am too.&
; Ang tells Janine that she is thinking about purchasing a new house so she and Neil can actually fit in their space.  She’s found the perfect house, so she and Janine make plans to check out the potential new digs.

After her doctor’s appointment, Ang has implemented a self-imposed detox.  No smoking, no drinking, and she will work out every day.  She enlists her bartender Anthony to help her get in shape.  I think she’d do better off with the cast of Jersey Shore.  At least she’d get some laundry done.  She can’t GT, much less GTL.  Janine and Ang tour the home Ang hopes to buy.  It is so much bigger and nicer than the duplex she currently occupies.  The realtor is frightened when Ang jokes about putting a stripper pole in the living room.  She is over the moon to find the indoor jacuzzi.

Lil Jen and Ang go shopping in search of workout clothes that will make her more apt to exercise.  Lil Jen is all about yoga, but Ang thinks it’s a “crazy cult.”  I love yoga, but I may love Big Ang more.  Ang decides that she and her tatas look best in tennis attire, so that is the sport she intends to try.  I guess that’s not the worst reason to take up tennis.  That night at the Drunken Monkey, Ang is bartending her face off…if one can actually do that.  Her friend Linda arrives and wants to know how Ang is faring not drinking or smoking.  Ang is having a very difficult time refraining.  Linda isn’t very supportive of Ang’s detox, and she tries to derail her at every turn.  Ang stays strong, and now she’s two days being smoke and booze free.

Big Ang and Lil Jen are trying their hand at tennis.  Ang doesn’t want to look like a fool in front of her instructor Sergio, but she feels more comfortable when he compliments her on her attire.  I think it’s safe to say that Ang won’t be the next Venus Williams.  Jen is in shock at how graceful Ang looks on the court.  Are we watching the same person?  After the lesson, Jen jokingly suggests a menage a trois, and poor Sergio looks like he may drop dead on the spot.  Ang does what everyone does after a day on the courts…she goes in for a colonic treatment.  I really don’t need to see the size or lubrication on the speculum being inserted into Ang’s bum.  Once it becomes clear that the attendant won’t even be getting the child-sized instrument into Ang’s “exit only hole,” she calls it a day.  She wants a drink and a smoke stat. READ MORE