"Well, with middle-aged women, it gets easier to put it on and harder to take it off." At the ripe not-so-old age of 34, Betty (Draper) Francis is sitting in her doctor's office facing two of her worst nightmares -- she's "old" and "fat."

Last night's episode of "Mad Men" brought Betty back into the spotlight after she was noticeably left out of the season premiere. And though her storyline included a cancer scare and an almost-touching phone call with ex-husband Don, all anyone could talk about -- including Betty herself -- was her very noticeable weight gain. The opening sequence starkly contrasted Betty struggling to get into her party clothes and ultimately faking sick to get out of going to an event, with the thinner and younger Megan, who had no trouble at all getting zipped into her mod mini-dress for a meeting with Don and a Heinz executive. The aspirational Betty Draper that every fashion blogger felt compelled to write about during the show's first few seasons is officially a thing of the past. Just as Don is facing the prospect of getting older and therefore irrelevant, so too is former-model Betty.

Betty's fear of permanently losing her lithe figure is compounded by a visit from her mother-in-law, Pauline. The elder Mrs. Francis tells Betty that she has a wifely duty to lose the weight in order to keep her husband attracted to her. "Honey, I know how it happens. You get comfortable and you give up a little bit, and then it just gets out of control," Pauline, a larger woman herself, tells Betty. Then she advises her daughter-in-law, "There are things you can do about this, there are pills you can take."

Henry, Betty's politician husband, to his credit, never once shames her for her changing looks. I can't say the same for "Mad Men" viewers, many of whom appear to see Betty's weight gain as a reason in and of itself to dislike her. (Personally, I find her generally cold and selfish demeanor to be a far more compelling one.)

We've gone a little mad prepping for the Season 5 premiere of "Mad Men" ... but can you really blame us? It's been 525 days since the Season 4 finale, and those cliffhangers have kept our wheels turning ever since.

What year will it be when we see our Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce friends again? And what's Don Draper's personal life looking like these days: Did he marry Megan? Is he still living in that sad little apartment? How's his relationship with his kids?

We know we're not alone, which is why we've worked tirelessly to fill the gap for fans, getting some of the best interviews, with star Jon Hamm and the entire cast, as well as creator Matt Weiner; teasing as much as we can in our review; creating some fun video mash-ups, and gathering the coolest viral videos; and even shaking up a signature cocktail to toast the show's return.

To make it easier on you to find everything, it's all right here. Happy reading, watching, drinking and "Mad Men"-ing!